So that teller position I had previously mentioned…they called me for a second interview. Originally I thought it would be great with the hours and the money would be even better plus I’d have benefits. But over the past few weeks I have realized with great certainty that I do not wish to work there. It’s not really the job. It’s more the location, the specific bank (it’s the one my mom works for), and the hours. It’s a Monday through Friday 4 hours a day thing, which would put me working maybe one or two nights at the job I would rather be at and all I’d end up doing there is cleaning up my department until I would go home. Those days would also be about 10 hours long. I’m just not interested in working there and now, two weeks after my original interview, they are calling me asking to set up a time to talk. I don’t want to make my mom look bad, nor do I want to piss her off. I just don’t think I can work for people that she speaks to so frequently. She’s in my life enough as it is I don’t really want her in my work as well. I have a feeling I’m just going to end up calling them and telling them I’m no longer interested. I’ll have to apply for healthcare from the state and see what happens. I hate this. I’m just so confused on what to do. Here I am trying to grow up and get a good job and I feel like a kid with no clue what to do. Ugh.

I’ve never thought of myself as closed-minded, but I always feel a little silly when I realize that something was not as simple as I once thought. Every so often, I see something from a completely different perspective and I start to see how truly unfair life can be. I know it’s no surprise that life doesn’t always go the way you want it to, but when it’s so completely twisted to the point that there is literally nothing you can do, it’s almost too much for a stubborn optimist to bear. When I see someone I care about in such a situation, it angers and saddens me. I’m angered by the fact that there is nothing I can do to fix it and therefore saddened by the feeling of defeat. I’ve been a strong believer in the words, “You live the life you choose to.” However, I’m finding those words more and more difficult to live by. I honestly don’t think people understand how much their actions effect others or how incredibly heartless they can be.

I guess all I’m saying is that life can really suck sometimes. I know, real deep, aren’t I? But as much as I’m not a big “religion-pusher” on other people, I will say right now that it can be amazingly relieving to be able to pray for a miracle and know that it does have a possibility of happening. So that’s what I’m doing: Praying for a miracle. There will be stressful times, rough times, and painful times, but there will also be wonderful times. And with any luck, they’ll last a lot longer than anything else. All I know is that if you manage to find yourself someone to keep you company through all of those times, through thick and thin, you’ll be okay. If I can do nothing else to fix things, I’ll stick it out with you. I’ll be there no matter what.

Because that’s what love really means.

Don’t lie. I know you haven’t been sitting here waiting for my return. I’m not bothered, really. I’ve had so much crap going on that I haven’t even had time for myself. Well, I’ve had a little time for myself, but I’ve been spending all of my spare moments with my new certain someone. He’s fantastic, by the way.

My ex has been causing a lot of stupid drama lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s an ass and I hate him. He’s gone completely psycho and that’s no joke. Anyway, I’ve just told him not to talk to me anymore.

Anyway, I just wanted to let y’all know I’m not dead. I don’t have much time and it’s getting later so have a good night people.