Good thing it’s my site and I can say whatever the hell I want to. So yes, my Grandmother passed away two weeks ago. It was awful and now my poor mother is left with no parents. As heart-wrenching as that all was, it got worse today. My parents had to put my dog, Patches, down this morning. In this site I made a few different references to her. I’ve even got pictures of her up here. I can’t muster the courage to fix the pages to say she is now gone. I couldn’t even get my make up on this morning and go to work. I had to call in because I was a complete mess; crying every ten minutes. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that they are gone. But I take a lot of comfort knowing that my grandmother is buried next to my grandfather and they are finally together again, and that my dog is buried next to other dogs that were loved just as much as she was, and she can run around with them now that she is pain free and in a much better place. It still hurts - this hole that I feel. I haven’t felt this much pain in so long I’ve forgotten how awful it is. I’m not sure how people deal with this and I have no idea how I will. The thought that my oldest and best friend is now gone forever kills me. However, in a wonderful attempt at distracting me, my sister has offered a double date to a movie to take our minds off everything. I need something to ease this constant ache. I would do several shots, but that would only leave me feeling worse the next day. Through all of this though, I have been able to get a few laughs in. Thanks to my amazing boyfriend, these past few weeks have been easier to bear. I would be so lost without him. I cannot even begin to explain how wonderful he has been. I am so blessed to have him in my life and I know that as long as we stick together, I can get through anything. And I will. I will get through this. The difference between the pain this time and last time is him, and he is all I need.

I have just found out that my grandmother on my mother’s side is in the hospital with pneumonia and long story short; she will most likely be passing today or tomorrow. I have been doing pretty well with this news so far. I was very upset when I first heard. I started thinking about all the summers I had spent with my cousins at her house and how great she was. I was not as close to my grandfather, so it was a lot easier when he passed away. But this is going to be really difficult. One of the things I think about is that she won’t be there when I get married or have children. She won’t be there and it’s really sad that I’ll be missing out on that. My kids will not know her like I did. My sister is thinking these same things. My only comfort is knowing I am old enough to remember all of the wonderful memories I shared with her than I can share with my children. There really aren’t words to explain why it’s so hard. My grandparents have always lived at least 4 hours away, so I didn’t have the same relationship with her that some of my other cousins did, but there’s still this pain that keeps haunting me. Anyway, I won’t be around for a little while. Just wanted to let you guys know.

So I went to the dentist the other day and not only did they find two really bad cavities (thank you, Pepsi), but they also saw one of my wisdom teeth had broken and had a large hole in it. Since I need to get rid of them anyway, they recommended a place that does it for cheap. So Wednesday I’m getting a tooth pulled. Yikes! I know it’s going to hurt pretty bad after, but I just want this pain to stop. It’s gotten really bad. I just hope I can make it until then.

In other news, plans are set for the 4th annual girls weekend. This is a weekend that consists of my sisters, myself, and my sister’s sister-in-law, who is practically a sister to us. We go up to her condo in the city and hang out for a weekend doing all kinds of fun stuff. This year we are going to the science museum to see the Titanic Exhibit and presentation in the Omni Theatre. There’s all kind of other stuff we’re doing that day that pertains to the museum, but I can’t remember it all. I just know it looked like a ton of fun and I’m really excited to be going in two weeks! I really could use a nice vacation.

So this weekend was one of the best I have had in a long time. Not only did I get a lot accomplished, but I was also able to RELAX. Since I have been designing wedding albums for my dad, I had one in particular that I had a deadline for. This bride was getting pretty bitchy, but I had only had the album for a few days and she wanted it ASAP . So she said she wanted it June 1st for a family reunion, which I completely understand, but this woman didn’t seem to realize there were other brides BEFORE her. But anyway, long story short I saved my dad’s butt and was able to finish the album Saturday! I spent 5 hours Saturday morning finishing it and getting the last 6 sets of pages out. I was so exhausted, but I was also so accomplished at the same time, hence the title of this blog. . And the album looks amazing. I exceeded my own expectations!

Sunday was my relaxing day. I sat around and didn’t do a whole lot. I was supposed to help my sister shop for a dress for a wedding, but she wasn’t feeling well so we’ll be going sometime this week instead. Then, on Sunday, my boyfriend and I drove out to his parents house that is out in the country in the middle of nowhere! It’s so nice out there, though. I hate being away from the city, but at the same time, I love the calm, relaxing sound of the outdoors. I just don’t like the bugs, but seeing some deer and a fox up close was well worth it! I had to work during the day, but I still got to hang out for a bit after I got back.

So that was my weekend. Short and sweet. I had a great time and I’m in a really good mood. I still don’t think I could ever live in the country (it took me over an hour to fall asleep). But who knows…I might just give in to my boyfriend’s dream of living out in the country…as long as it’s a hop, skip, and a jump away from the city.

I wrote this 2 years ago when I met my boyfriend and saw first hand how life was treating him. I was reminded of this again when I saw someone I care about struggling to cope with problems life had thrown at them…

I’ve never thought of myself as closed-minded, but I always feel a little naive when I realize that something was not as simple as I once thought. Every so often, I see something from a completely different perspective and I start to see how truly unfair life can be. I know it’s no surprise that life doesn’t always go the way you want it to, but when it’s so completely twisted to the point that there is literally nothing you can do, it’s almost too much for a stubborn optimist to bear. When I see someone I care about in such a situation, it angers and saddens me. I’m angered by the fact that there is nothing I can do to fix it and therefore saddened by the feeling of defeat. I’ve been a strong believer in the words, “You live the life you choose.” However, I’m finding that line more and more difficult to believe. I honestly don’t think people understand how much their actions effect others or how incredibly heartless they can be.

I guess all I’m saying is that life can really suck sometimes. I know, real deep, aren’t I? But as much as I’m not a big “religion-pusher” on other people, I will say right now that it can be amazingly relieving to be able to pray for a miracle and know that it does have a possibility of happening. So that’s what I’m doing: Praying for a miracle. Because that’s all I have left to give you. That’s all I can do to help you. There will be stressful times, rough times, and painful times, but there will also be wonderful times, even in the midst of all the pain. And with any luck, they’ll last a lot longer than anything else. All I know is that if you manage to find yourself someone to keep you company through all of those times, through thick and thin, you’ll be okay. So that’s where I’ll be…right next to you. Maybe all those prayers for help were heard. Maybe I can be a bit of help for you. Maybe I fell into this to be a shoulder to let you lean on. Someone to stand behind you and hold you up when you’re too tired to go on. If I can do nothing else to fix things, I’ll stick it out with you. I’ll be there no matter what.

Because that’s what love and friendship really mean.